Our sweet 'lil Paysley passed away March 1, 2011.I have not blogged since February because I knew it would be way too hard to blog about my sweet Paysley, but sometimes ya just gotta face your fears, right?!
I think about the last time I blogged and Paysley was right next to me...what I would give to go back!
Paysley was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure the end of December 2010. Paysley had to be on a special diet and she was not a fan because if you knew Paysley, you knew she loved her treats! Some days were a lot harder to get Paysley to eat. We needed her to gain weight, but despite her eating and all our efforts to switching up diets, Paysley kept losing. There were days where I would literally break into tears because Paysley would put up such a fight to eat, but once she saw my tears, she would eat like crazy! She could always sense when I was sad...man, I miss her!!! The vet gave us an option of putting Paysley on an expensive medication that would increase her red blood cells and that would help prolong her life. Her red blood cells kept decreasing and the vet said that was contributing to her seizures. Spencer and I were all for it. We would do anything for our little girl! Paysley had been on the medication for a short time and we took her in on a Friday and we got good news that her red blood cells had not decreased, but had remained the same...we had HOPE! Then that Monday I came home from work and saw the hardest thing I have ever seen. I saw Paysley lying almost lifeless in her bed with her tongue partially hanging out of her mouth. I quickly picked her up and held her in my arms for the rest of the night. I remember feeling as though I was being tortured. I knew she didn't have long. Spencer and I had her sleep next to us and I did not sleep well because I did not want her to slip away while I was asleep. That was my worst fear...not being with her! Then Tuesday I had to go to work, but luckily Spencer was home with her. I kept receiving texts from Spencer saying that Paysley was very sick and had lost control of her bowels. All of a sudden I became extremely ill...extremely ill! I was helping my supervisor waste narcotics and I became weak, sweaty, and very pale. I went to the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't even recognize myself. When I walked back to the nursing station, some said I was green. They were so worried about me that they were about ready to call the ambulance, but I just said that I really just needed to go home. Looking back, I think that is when it finally hit me...that I was losing my Paysley! I drove straight home and wrapped Paysley up in my arms. I held her and talked to her. We went down memory lane. I will never forget her brown eyes looking up at me like she was really listening. All day she had been throwing up about every 10 minutes, but for that hour she layed content in my arms. I had talked to my mom earlier that day and told her about our sweet Paysley and she drove straight from Idaho to be with us. My mom arrived at our house about an hour after I got home. She came in and held Paysley, but Paysley looked back at me like I just need my mommy...so sweet. We then all took her to the vet to see if there was anything we could do...anything! The vet let us know there was nothing else and Paysley was only going to keep suffering. It was the hardest, yet most peaceful time letting her go. Paysley closed her sweet, trusting, brown eyes and it was a neat experience having us all together. It is something I will always cherish!
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